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(still) Not Dead (yet)

May 23, 2019
David Brinton via VeloNews 2008

Late evening, on March 23rd, my first night back in Alabama to visit my dad and stepmother with my daughters, I stepped literally into the dark void and fell down a flight of stairs into the basement of my father’s home. I’d only ever been to my father’s home twice before, with the last time being nearly 17yrs prior, so I mistook the door to the basement as the door to the room my daughters were sleeping in … which was an unpleasant mistake to make.

That trip down the stairs gave me a broken right elbow (radius) and six non-displaced rib fractures. Needless to say, the rest of the visit did not go as planned … and was a lot more painful. My daughters and I still managed to enjoy the time there, but the dynamics were clearly very different and we didn’t get to go visit the small town I grew up in, 6hrs south of where we were staying … it was decided that the drive would be far too painful for me to make. That said, the time that we spent at my father’s home was a quieter and more casual visit, allowing us to simply spend time talking and slowing down from our usual lives.

The immediate downside, is the obvious injury recovery … something I am no stranger to; 2016 crash involving large pickup truck and surgery to repair broken wrist, along with three pelvic fractures, 2015 hit by car and was gifted a posterior separation of left shoulder, and of course the 2008 biggie that came far too close to killing me. Those are just the most recent ones, sadly.

Similar to the 2008 and 2016 crashes, I’m left recovering and rebuilding as the cycling season speeds along without me. Racing at the velodrome is underway, and even with our wetter than normal weather, I’m itching to get back on the bike … again. Luckily, a few days ago, I was able to get on my road bike and pedal up and down the street without too much difficulty- aside from being way out of shape. The elbow on right arm is still the issue, and I am still unable to straighten my arm, but thankfully the current range of motion feels adequate to allow me to pedal slowly and rebuild.

I’m fond of the expression “broken not buried“, and it has applied to me in many ways over the years- some physical, and some very deeply and personally emotional ways. Though I’m inching along with recovery again, the process is painful and tedious … and if I’m honest, it has gotten harder as I’ve gotten older … both physically and emotionally. But alas, I’m still here somehow.

In recent years, due to work, life, children, and massive personal upheavals, my ability and desire to return to “blogging” and long form writing has taken a huge hit. What was once incredibly easy and vital, has become harder and harder to maintain- or even begin. But, like injury recovery or my commitment to sobriety, I find myself often returning to make another effort. And here I am now, once more trying to break through the mental blockage and noise in my head to tap on the keys enough to create a few coherent sentences that hopefully don’t read entirely like gibberish.

As much as my bike means to me, words mean even more- especially as I’ve gotten older. I still have dreams of race victories, but I still also have a tiny space in my soul dedicated to the dream that one day a poem of mine will grace the pages of The New Yorker. The race win is way more likely to happen long before I even get the courage to submit a poem to The New Yorker … but that tiny little dream, as big and absurd as it is, is still given the space to breathe inside me.

Hopefully, unlike all the other proclamations over the years that “I’m resurrecting my blog”, I’ll actually make some headway into semi-resurrecting the focus to let some of the words out of my head more frequently. There’s too many of them in there, along with the voices, so it’s time I put some of them to work.

… my apologies in advance …

Tim

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Steve Laner permalink
    May 23, 2019 10:10 PM

    Tim, you are incredibly brave and an example for some of us other lost souls.

    Like

    • Tim Jackson permalink*
      May 24, 2019 9:29 AM

      Thank you, Steve- that means a lot, and I hope that you are on your own road to riding with life.

      Like

  2. May 24, 2019 6:48 AM

    Damn, son. It’s a bitch when simple bipedal locomotion becomes too much for us old fellers.

    I took a spectacular digger the day before Christmas 2018, hooking a toe on a rock during a short trail run and flying downhill like Randy “Macho Man” Savage coming off the top rope. Macho Man never landed in the cacti, though.

    Herself and I both intercoursed the penguin in separate spills down our basement stairs in Bibleburg, which were not built to code. Happily, it was a short flight and the landing zone was heavily carpeted.

    When we beat it for ’Burque we saw to it that the stairs in our new digs were kept to the bare minimum: just one step down into the living room, is all. Even I can handle that action, most days.

    This is the scenic route toward saying heal up, write more, and steer clear of stairways. They don’t always lead to heaven, no matter what Led Zep’ says.

    Like

    • Tim Jackson permalink*
      May 24, 2019 9:30 AM

      Gravity can kiss my ass.

      Thank you for the kind wishes, and I hope you and Herself are collectively intact.

      Like

  3. May 24, 2019 7:01 AM

    Howdy Tim, First of all, I hit the “LIKE” button because you’re writing again, not because you fell down the stairs. I’ve been a fan boy since the early days of the Spokesmen podcast, so it’s nice to see you back in my WordPress feed. My own WordPress blog has transformed over the years from written essays with lots of photographs to more of a place to re-post my YouTube videos. Which is fine, I really enjoy making the videos… But I’ve been missing the time I used to spend writing. So I’m gonna make that same proclamation to spend more time with written stories (Ha ha, no pressure on me cause nobody but you is gonna read this). Good luck with your recovery and with your blog. I’ll be faithfully standing by to see your progress. Kat

    Like

    • Tim Jackson permalink*
      May 24, 2019 9:32 AM

      Thank you, Jeff- I am humbled. I hope that your wordly pursuits are gratifying … and I hope I keep mine moving!

      Like

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